Thursday 8th December 2011
I picked up a bad cold last Monday. It’s now Thursday and I’m still dying. I woke up on Monday with a sore throat and by that afternoon I was starting to collapse and went to bed at 6 o’clock. I had to take a truck load of hot whiskeys. Because I had to give a presentation yesterday, I had to get up. All I wanted was to get back to bed. Now for a guy who goes to bed at 1 or 2 am, that’s unusual (you could write a song about that) and on top of that, here I am writing an article. I must be a martyr!
My wife doesn’t see my condition as being serious so I decided to check it on the internet and discovered that 52% of women lose sympathy with their sick partner within five minutes of him starting to complain. A further 18% do not even make it that long – they start off unsympathetic and continue in the same vein. Getting the picture? Now, if you put the shoe on the other foot, 70% of men claim to be sympathetic if their partner is complaining of a cold with 64% of men claiming they will cook dinner for their sick partners and 60% claiming they will do the housework. Aren’t we brilliant?
“Man Flu is a crippling and debilitating disorder indiscriminately striking down male members of the human species without warning. The illness is often referred to pejoratively by female members of the species who are in fact immune from the illness as man flu is now known to exclusively attack the XY chromosome carrier. If Man Flu is kind enough not to kill the infected party it will definitely leave him weak, sick, hurting everywhere and in dire need of TLC. “
“It is a rare strain of flu so powerful and so deadly it can only be matched by the Bubonic Plague and Aids. An incurable virus which has adapted to only effect the "XY" gene found in men. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. Man Flu has no cure and prayers can save the forsaken life of the infected. The often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract Man Flu”
Woman: Is he ok?
Doctor: I'm afraid not, I'm sorry to say he has Man Flu
“Man flu, a term used to address a flu-like illness exclusive to men. Often 'man flu' is a term that is subject to ridicule and scepticism, the actual existence of it doubted. It is often assumed by others, namely women, as a namby pamby excuse used by their boyfriends, fathers, male work colleagues and sons to get out of their responsibilities.“
“It is not the female equivalent of the menstrual cycle, but that won't stop men afflicted with it to act like they need to be babied constantly or sympathised with. Men are expected to be strong and dependable: the stereotype of what a real man is. For men to claim to have a moment of weakness for one moment in the eyes of a woman, God forbid, will raise the question - are you a man or a mouse? “
Before all you women out there get smug and think that we long suffering men are faking it let me give you the REAL FACTS.
The University of Queensland carried out a survey of 63 healthy volunteers and published their findings after lab tests to examine the immune responses. The bugs that usually cause the common cold are called rhinoviruses and the Australian researchers found that female volunteers had a much stronger immune response to them. However, after the menopause, that protection disappeared.
Prof John Upham, of the University of Queensland, said: “It makes sense from a biological point of view because women are more likely to ensure the survival of the species. We noticed that when women reached menopause, their improved resistance to rhinoviruses faded away. So hormones obviously play a huge part in helping fight viruses."
So there you have it, we do suffer from Man Flu. Don’t we?
And, to top it off, my wife sent me this video. . .