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Written by JOHN PICARELLO

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 13 April 2012

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and
bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States.'

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'

'Lecturer,' she responded.’ I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'

'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French
men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry;' she said 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!'

'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Pddy.'

BY JOHN PICARELLO

Copyright © 2012, DPNLIVE – All Rights Reserved

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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 06 April 2012

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other.  Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared.  To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.

After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig.  I had him buried upside down.   And I know he won't ask for directions."

Ellen Neumann

Copyright © 2012, DPNLIVE – All Rights Reserved

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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 30 March 2012

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

Little Billy wanted 100 bucks badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the 100 bucks.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, Ireland, they decided to send it to the President.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy 5.00 bucks.

President Higgins thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Billy was delighted with the 5.00 bucks and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Dublin. And, as usual, those crooks deducted 95.00 bucks.

Thanks,

Billy

Ellen Neumann

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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 23 March 2012

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

Bert feared his wife Alice wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Alice, what's for dinner?'

Still no response

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Alice, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'ALICE, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. ‘ALICE! what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)

‘For God's sake, Bert, for the FIFTH bloody time, it’s CHICKEN!'

Ellen Neumann

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